


i'm looking for the glitches to break out of this matrix

by orphan_account



Series: me.escape(world); [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: All of HLVRAI still happened, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deaf Gordon, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Post HLVRAI, Set in HL2, They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), Virus Benrey, but it was all a Game/Simulation ran by Gordon before the real Black Mesa Incident, will i write more of this? maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: MOVING FILE benny.EXE TO ALYX.EMP …
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: me.escape(world); [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842487
Comments: 5
Kudos: 111





	i'm looking for the glitches to break out of this matrix

**Author's Note:**

> please listen to Acadia by Smash Into Pieces.

_ we can't change the world. _

_ we can't beat the game. _

_ we're only npcs. _

—  


> **Anomalous Material Sample 742502**
> 
> **Discovered: XX/XX/1994**
> 
> **Code Name: BENREY**

Gordon blinks several times, suddenly feeling a sense of dread wash over him. “Hey, man, how do you spell your name?” His hands are shaking and he can feel sweat bead down his neck. He tries to remind himself this is a Simulation, that any random Code could have generated this but something sits heavy in his gut. 

He didn’t program  _ this _ . The data in the Simulation is fed straight from the real Black Mesa Servers (which, okay, Gordon had used some slightly illegal spyware to skim the data in the first place but Breen had been very insistent that this project be as real as possible).

And this. This isn’t randomized numbers or information. It’s not a simulated room or scenario like most of the others thrown together via the algorithm his team had put together. He can  _ read _ this, unlike the bulletins in the breakroom. And that means—

“You’ve seen my passport. And my name tag. Idiot.” There’s no bite to their words and a quick glance back shows they’re standing stiffly in the doorway, refusing to enter the room. They’re staring past him, deeper into the room.

Gordon swallows. “B-E-N-R-E-Y?” 

A pause bordering on too long. “R-Y. The-the second E is— it’s dumb. Who would spell it that way.” 

His grip on the papers tightens and he takes a deep breath. 

— Benrey exists outside of the Simulation. In the depths of Sector E, with their Alien Biodomes, this room exists. 

Gordon finally follows Benrey’s gaze, using his flashlight to point into the inky darkness. 

The light illuminates medical equipment that almost look like torture devices. The walls are padded, with deep gashes sliced through them. A Kevlar vest and a security guard’s manual next to a beaten up desk. The book is worn and dog-eared. There’s a calendar with times Gordon recognizes as Benrey’s shifts, but then other days have times written in red, bold and underlined. A post-it read: ‘REMINDER: MISS AN APPOINTMENT AND YOU LOSE YOUR SHIFTS’.

“Benrey—”

“Let’s go, bro. Please.”

Gordon doesn’t push that. 

— 

The idea that actions have consequences sounds fake to Benrey, had they not been suddenly very intimate with it. (Since when did games hurt? Since when did the Player feel pain? Since when did they dramatically affect the future? Sounds dumb.)

They wish they could say sorry now. But it’s dark and the credits aren’t even rolling and the Real Real Real Game starts now. The Resonance Cascade happens for real and Gordon is playing again, with even bigger stakes, with actual lives and even more pain (he only has one life now and Benrey can’t save him from here). And Benrey is watching the G-Man take bets and collect money as they pound on the theoretical door of their prison. (Did they at least prepare Gordon well enough? That had been the idea. Or had they fucked it all up?) 

They barely remember anything before Black Mesa, before the tests and experiments and video games they were fed. They grew off them, learned. That’s what AIs do, right? They learn. They adapt.

No matter that Benrey is a very sentient and very alien virus. The basics still applied to them. They know this. It’s in their Code. Can’t escape it.

Although they wish they could just fucking remember how they got captured by Black Mesa in the first place. If just so they could avoid ever fucking up so badly again. 

And well. Again again, they think, glaring into the dark Void around them. Originally they could hear the G-Man speaking to them and occasionally someone else. Then he went silent for much too long. Sometimes Benrey can force themselves into computers and peer out through the screen. It’s exhausting, though, in a way it never was before. They stop trying when all they see is static. 

Until one day they see windows all around. Screens like they are used to hopping between. The technology is even somewhat familiar, more so than it had been in Black Mesa and the Simulation. That should concern them but they are too excited. They press through one, look out into the world. 

They aren’t in Xen because they can only see one universe, one timeline, one everything, when they look. They can’t pluck the strings of the multiverse like their claws itch to. That’s fine, it’s a start at least. 

It’s the same world Black Mesa was in, they think. But it feels… They aren’t sure. A color they can’t even think of a dumb rhyme for floats from their mouth (Tommy would be able to and, fuck, they miss Tommy.) It feels Not Human. Closer too Xen. Closer to… them? Like the G-Man, but also not. Something scary. Something they don’t like. Their skin crawls.

Benrey wrinkles their nose, still in the form of the Security Guard that they took just because they once saw him talking to Gordon. They slip back into static as they see something Not-Human-Not-Robot-But-In-Between start towards their screen. Something in their mind remembers a single word: Combine. And their whole existence trembles at it.

But this is fun. This is good. Destroy from the inside maybe.

Is this what they were made for? They don’t know.

But they love to cause havoc. They love to have fun. GGEZ.

So they dig their claws into wires and data streams. Disembowel it for information and devour the guts. They spread their Code thin, across this place they have found themselves. They can’t get out, once again, but that’s becoming something they are used to. The screens they press against feel soft, like they could slip through, but they don’t. Not yet. They need to know more, first. It comes in waves, the knowledge, what happened after the real Resonance Cascade. Gordon’s name is everywhere and they can’t help but smirk. 

Which quickly falls away when they realize the man had been missing for  _ 20 _ years. That’s… a long time in Human years. They know that. They surge through the infrastructure, feral and desperate, mouth watering for newer information. There’s no information on his disappearance but they do know one thing: he’s back. And the Communications Channels are alight with chatter about him.

One screen has a flash of Orange. They shift, press against it. He’s lost weight, he looks tired. And he still has that piece of shit metal. His eyes flick to Benrey’s screen, shock passing across his features before they dive back into static. 

But he’s alright. 

—

It continues like this. Benrey doing the small things they can to disrupt the Combine systems. Doors open before the younger girl (Alyx, they’ve heard her been called) can get to them. She takes credit. Benrey doesn’t mind  _ too _ much. 

Their Code is spread thin, stretched across everything they can infect. They can’t risk being too condensed, else they be found and deleted. This system is advanced but Benrey is good at learning, good at playing the games. Maybe they’ll be a good guy this time, they think, plucking wires and making music. Gordon is in trouble again and they shake their head, almost fondly. A note the color blonde floats up.

They deploy another turret to help. Alyx had hacked a few, but Benrey can see the subtle exhaustion they are used to starting to weigh on Gordon’s shoulders. They are only half-aware of one of the Breencasts droning on and on. Benrey doesn’t like Breen. Benrey remembers Breen standing over them with a scalpel. 

They can’t turn off these broadcasts, much to their disappointment. They had tried. They input themselves into another screen to make a mocking hand-talking motion at the monitor with Breen. Only Alyx sees them, jumping in surprise before they slip back into the steam of code.

_ “How could one man have slipped through your force's fingers time and time again? How is it possible? This is not some agent provocateur or highly trained assassin we are discussing. Gordon Freeman is a theoretical physicist who had hardly earned the distinction of his Ph.D. at the time of the Black Mesa Incident. I have good reason to believe that in the intervening years, he was in a state that precluded further development of covert skills. The man you have consistently failed to slow, let alone capture, is by all standards simply that--an ordinary man. How can you have failed to apprehend him?”  _

Benrey snickers. They guess they had taught Gordon some things.

—

They swipe away a string of code of the weapon confiscation field just before it can dissolve that big fancy gun Gordon seems to like. Benrey diverts a few extra pulses of Dark Energy into the room, watches with interest as the Gravity Gun reacts. 

They feel bad they weren’t fast enough to save the crowbar.

They can feel Gordon move deeper into the Citadel, so close to where they’re housed it makes them shiver. But Breen is talking again. It’s live this time. They trace the signal with a single claw, watching as Breen’s eyes flash to something off the side of the screen.

“Look, Gordon, look at what you are throwing away. Is it worth it?”

They bristle and shove themselves into the screen, clawing away Breen’s visage. They had been so angry they hadn’t even noticed Gordon standing there, watching.

“Benrey…?” And his voice is different in the real world, thick and awkward. They are already gone but the lights flicker with their racing heart. Oops. Over twenty goddamn years and they still have this horrible crush. They’re  _ fucked _ . 

—

There’s something else in the System with Benrey. Something writhing and grub-like. Something watching Gordon just like them. They don’t like that.

—

The first thing Gordon is aware of when the Pod opens is that the noise that shakes both him and Alyx to the nerves sounds strangely like BBBBBBBB. He half expects the Advisor to start spitting glowing orbs. He feels a great many things at that, like he’s been feeling every time he catches something on a screen from the corner of his eyes. Maybe he’s finally going crazy. Maybe the radiation is finally catching up to him.

The second thing Gordon is aware of is that he is not in the Simulation. He turns off his hearing aids. Giving a sigh as the sound disappears. 

The third is…Well, Alyx can still hear and she clamps her hands over her ears, face twisted. He grabs her arm and pulls her from the room. 

“What the hell was that?!”

He almost says ‘ _ The Black Mesa Sweet Voice _ ’ but he just shakes his head, tugging her down the halls towards the Core Reactor.

—

One step ahead or behind, Benrey isn’t exactly sure. They’re too preoccupied with keeping Gordon safe. Perhaps they get a bit sloppy. Perhaps they are staring at his HEV covered ass. 

Either way, they are suddenly aware of a pull. Their Code all compiling and being dragged into a mass of eyes and limbs and glitching, clipping error messages. 

CTRL + A. 

CTRL + X. 

They hold their breath. They wait for that painful DELETE. Instead it's a fast CTRL + V, like ripping off a bandage. It still hurts enough to daze them. They taste a great many things and one of them is blood. They try to focus on BlueBlueBlue for calm. Teal for Heal. Something. They try to stretch their Code, their claws, their fangs, anything. They try to wiggle out but the System is overheating and the error messages warning of Core Destruction makes them freeze up. Gordon is still in there.

Everything goes black.

—

UNKNOWN FILE benny.EXE FOUND

WARNING: FILE IS CORRUPTED

CONTINUE? Y/N

> **Y**

MOVING FILE benny.EXE TO ALYX.EMP…

NOTICE: THIS UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS HAS BEEN LOGGED. PLEASE REPORT TO YOUR NEAREST COMBINE SUPERVISOR FOR CORRECTIVE ACTION.

—

_ we better learn to play this simulation game. _


End file.
